I fear eventualities. I’m not just talking about the big stuff, like heart break and death, but the word eventually itself holds a weight that rests heavy on my heart. Eventually, things will work out. Eventually, I will find the right person. Eventually, I will be happy.
When is this “eventually” coming, and why is it taking so goddam long? I wonder a lot about all the eventuallys that will eventually happen to me. And I also wonder a lot about all the eventuallys I’m waiting for that wont happen at all.
I guess eventually I’ll know.
I have started keeping a journal with me at all times so I can record the things I am grateful for throughout the day. It is a small task, but I’ve realized some pretty great things since I started doing it in the last two weeks.
1. I have an amazing best friend. I write something about her in there almost every single day. And I don’t even see her most days.
2. I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; I already knew that but writing it down all the time makes me extra aware.
3. I really love the rain- I write that down every time it rains.
4. It’s sort of alarming to note that some of the things that I write gratitudes for are also the things that are causing me a lot of anxiety. – Maybe it’s time to cut ties with the things that only give me momentary happiness.
5. I am a lot happier than I realized. It snuck up on me. Suddenly I’ve found myself smiling a lot, and just generally feeling grateful for my life.
What are you grateful for?