Monthly Archives: March 2015

Saviours.

You cannot take on the problems of the world; this is not your burden to bear. You cannot keep hurting because those around you are hurting; this is not the way to make yourself happy. If you keep doing this you will forever find yourself struggling to keep your head above water and the people whose problems you have been shouldering will be on higher ground.

You cannot help the people who do not ask for it or who do not wish for you to help them. Stop acting like you are the savior for all of the down trodden; you cannot even save yourself.

So tell yourself the things you want to tell them, because you are the one who needs saving: even though you do not act like it, even though you would never ask, even though no one is offering. Say it to yourself.

Everything is going to be okay. I know it feels hard right now, insurmountable, but you have made it through worse and you will make it through this. Do not give up now, you are doing so well, so much better than you could have ever imagined. Just know that I care about you, you matter, and I am here for you no matter what.

They do not want to hear what you have to say: so say it to yourself.

Your words matter. It matters. You matter.

Sending.

tumblr_nleu3f2XZ81tq8wkko1_540

I wonder if you ever start a message to me but then don’t click send. I wonder if there are words hanging out in space somewhere between us, because we are both too cowardly to say what has been left unsaid. What would you say to me if you had the courage? More importantly, what would I say to you? Would I tell you I missed you and hate how we don’t talk anymore or tell you what you really deserve to hear? That I cared about you and was nothing but kind and supportive but then you cut me out of your life like I didn’t matter at all.

I wouldn’t say it at all, because I’ve been pretending not to think of you. You don’t deserve my time.

Maybe I should delete this.

Talk Me Down.

I spend hours each week trying to talk myself out of you. It’s a waste of time, it’s not going anywhere, I’ve already gone in too deep. But you feed me just enough to keep me going, and seeing you takes me right to where I was and I remember why I feel the way I do. But then I face the silence again and the questions: Is this even worth it? Cycles upon cycles of insecurity and doubt. When I hold you in my phone I know I am better than this, but when it’s flesh and blood in my hands I feel like this is exactly what I need.

The middle place is a contradiction. You are contradicting yourself and I am also. We are a contradiction.

So I’ll talk myself down from you again, and then you’ll pull me back up. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.