It is our human right to be happy. And I have been struggling with this every single day. I close my eyes regularly and breathe in and out saying to myself, no no no it’s okay, you’re okay, with tears weighing heavily behind my eyelids. I have to convince myself, because I am okay, yeah, I am okay. My yoga teacher said something in class recently that has really stuck with me; she spoke about how in life there are always two choices: fear or love. We can chose to handle everything in our lives with either fear or love, and that choice is ours and ours alone.
I’ve been living my life in fear- fear, mainly, that I am not enough. This plagues my every action. I live my life in a constant state of insecurity and I can’t even begin to explain why. But no more. I am tired, so tired of feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy and that my feelings don’t matter. Because they do.
So my choice to be here- it’s done out of love. When I get to fall asleep listening to the rain tapping outside my window almost every night I feel so incredibly overwhelmed with gratitude for this life I’ve chosen. Even though it may be shitty and hard and more than I can handle. I fall asleep each night hearing natures comforting voice. I chose this. Uncertain as I may be, this is the choice I made.
Fear or Love?