Monthly Archives: August 2014

Holding On & Letting Go.

Relationships change you. Even if it’s in little, insignificant ways- we are changed by the people that come in and out of our lives. Although I am speaking of romantic relationships in this instance, all of them change us. Friends, family, even ones that aren’t our own relationships. My parents rocky relationship has changed me and shaped who I am; it has created some of my good qualities and a lot of my not so good ones.

We take little pieces of people that matter to us and carry them around with us forever. I used to sleep with two pillows, but now I sleep with four. Our expectations change from love interest to love interest- we become more particular, having weeded out the things we don’t like in the last one we know what we want better the next time around. Does what we take and what we leave behind hold any real significant meaning, or is it just simply “what stuck” versus what didn’t?

So we sit in our stupid chairs (You know the one that he didn’t want to buy but you insisted on and ended up being really uncomfortable but you took it anyways to prove a point? Ya that one), and write long blog entries when we should be sleeping. You let certain things eat at you, while the others are fading away or already gone. Some of these things might ache for the rest of your life, while some you may forget completely.

So what does it say about us: the things we choose to carry and the things we choose to let go?

Infinitesimal.

I was thinking about how some things matter and others don’t, but it’s impossible to tell the difference in the moment. Walking up the stairs to my apartment it smelled weird; sweaty and musty, like the inside of a rubber glove. I realize this doesn’t matter, I will probably never reflect on it again, but as I was walking up the stairs I felt like I had to pin point the exact thing that it smelled like.

I have a pain in my side, and at this moment it feels like a big thing, but I imagine that by tomorrow it won’t mean anything to me anymore. Or maybe, it will be an even bigger thing. Maybe I have appendicitis and I’ll end up in the hospital.

What matters today, will it matter tomorrow? If it matters tomorrow, will it matter next week? If it matters next week, will it matter next month? If it matters next month, will it matter next year? If the answer is no, stop worrying. If the answer is no, change something, do something different.

But how are you supposed to know?