I am attempting to be happy on my own. “They” say that you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else. I think that’s bullshit because being lonely is awful and humans are not meant to be companionless creatures. But here I am sitting alone and functioning in a solitary life. It probably is the best for me right now.

I am a person of habit. My habit for the last 5 years has been being in love and in a relationship. I merely transitioned from relationship to relationship, so sitting here and actually being alone feels… Off. I don’t know if I could be loved again though. I feel so flawed and broken and I don’t know how someone could love me again. More importantly, I don’t know how I could manage to love someone again, to put my whole self into a relationship knowing full well that it will likely end in heartbreak.

But I also so badly want someone to hold me in their arms and fill me up with love and kiss me hard and make me believe again.

I just don’t feel full anymore.

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