I just locked myself in my bedroom with the full intention of giving up. I was laying there thinking really dark things, I mean really contemplating things, ya know? I think in a sense it’s hopelessness, though maybe not really because there is some sort of hope at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel. I think the biggest thing is loneliness. I feel very truly alone in all of this.

I laid there with the full intention of just letting the night come in from outside and fill me up and take me away. I started thinking about sharp things, because that’s where my mind goes when I try to reach out to people and they don’t respond. No matter what I do it isn’t good enough. Crying for help is useless, shouting makes things even worse, silence receives nothing.

What do I have to do or say to get someone to care? Or maybe that’s the trouble. No one cares about me at all.

Rant rant rant. I keep telling myself to use this feeling for something. So here we are. I wrote about it, it’s used, and now here you are. Reading these words, of me at the end of my rope.

Now what?

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “

  1. Never give up. You are not alone. As writers, we often get lost in our own world, and sometimes it’s hard to come out again. Sometimes it’s hard because we prefer our own world to the real one, sometimes it’s hard because we don’t understand the real one. The lines of reality blur, and that is the risk we all take. Whatever you are going through, know that you are never alone.

  2. I like what you said about using your feeling for something – didn’t JK Rowling have to battle through some really dark thoughts during the writing of Harry Potter? And look how she used those moments to create something indescribably magical for the rest of the world to enjoy! Don’t give up, beautiful girl – life is like a mountain; it’s painful to climb, but the view from the top is worth the struggle.

  3. Megan you are not alone at all, please don’t think that. I’ve been to those dark places too when my life was shattered to a million pieces. It does get better, it just takes time, believe me, I know.
    Arran

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s