I am a romantic. Thus far this has acted as a flaw in my character, rather than the very charming quality that I feel it to be. I can’t get close to a person without falling in love with them.
I realize that I’m getting too deep within this complicated mess and making it more and more difficult to figure out what’s right. But I mean, isn’t “what’s right” sort of an arbitrary term? I can choose what is emotionally complicated, stay here, deal with the constant battle within myself. Here I am consistently struggling with what is my reality and a nostalgia for what was and what could be. I could leave, and deal with what is physically complicated. Break the lease, find a new place, move all my stuff, get new things, and tackle a different kind of loneliness.
As a romantic I can see the possibility and hope in both. Staying here there is the chance (no matter how slim it may be) that he will change his mind and suddenly see me again for the wonderful person he fell in love with, not the sad one he is trying to escape from. We could plan trips together and just be in love and be happy.
Leaving is a fresh start. I could live in a tiny little apartment all alone and be independent and discover myself in new ways. I could have more first kisses and allow people to see the greatness in me the way it is meant to be seen.
There is wonder and fear in both.
So which do I choose?